urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:blndnblu514 blndnblu514 blndnblu514 blndnblu514 2008-04-27T22:20:55Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:blndnblu514:652 My first post 2008-04-27T22:07:47Z 2008-04-27T22:20:55Z nascar race...beautiful music I've come to realize that writing things down can be healthy.&nbsp; I can sometimes describe how I'm feeling and what is going on so much easier.&nbsp; The contemplative mood that I'm in is probably helping too. <br /><br />I ended a friendship this weekend.&nbsp; I have never done that before.&nbsp; New experience for me.&nbsp; I thought I'd feel more relieved than anything, but now I'm not sure.&nbsp; I'm not regretting that I told this person how I felt, I suppose that I am sad that the friendship ended in the way that it did.&nbsp; In the end, I felt like this was an unhealthy relationship and it somehow had to stop.&nbsp; It's hard to describe.&nbsp; I'm not angry with this person.&nbsp; I am sad.&nbsp; I'm not jumping up and down saying "yippee, it's over!"&nbsp; Instead I'm going over in my head the should've, would've, could've's.&nbsp; If someone hurts my feelings and then apologizes for it, I can accept that for the most part.&nbsp; If they hurt my feelings over and over again and apologize and keep on hurting my feelings, then am I an idiot for sticking around?&nbsp; What if they never apologize at all because they think they haven't done anything wrong? The problem is with this person, I honestly believe that negative things are said about myself and my friends because of this persons own insecurities.&nbsp; The old "knock someone down to build yourself up".&nbsp; Is this something I can forgive and forget?&nbsp; I don't know.&nbsp; Forgive, yes.&nbsp; Forget.....never.&nbsp; I'll always feel guarded around this person.&nbsp;&nbsp; <br /><br />The other problem with this person is the lies.&nbsp; Lie is such a harsh word that I sometimes hate to use it.&nbsp; It's useless lies.&nbsp; No reason for them.&nbsp; I'm told one story and a friend(s) are told a completely different version.&nbsp; It doesn't make any sense as to why this is done.&nbsp; It's the harmless stuff that I suppose I can blow off, but it does make me wonder if this person is telling me the truth anytime she tells me a story.&nbsp; The trust has definitely been broken.&nbsp; I don't believe that this person realizes the harm that can come from some of these lies.&nbsp; You can't accuse someone of sexual misconduct if it's not true.&nbsp; This could be so harmful to a person and their relationship.&nbsp; What if this couple was having problems in the first place and then a lie that has been told starts circulating.&nbsp; It could destroy this relationship.&nbsp; Those are the harmful lies.&nbsp; The ones I can't blow off.&nbsp; It needs to stop.&nbsp; Then I find out from a mutual aquaintance that more lies have been told previously regarding other people in our circle of "friends".&nbsp; That this person has made others feel the same way I do and that not many people trust her.&nbsp; I guess it validated the way I was feeling and it lead to the ending of the friendship. <br /><br />I told this person this weekend that things she had said and done have hurt my feelings.&nbsp; I have received a denial about something pointless.&nbsp; But no apology for the things that were said that hurt me or were said about my friends.&nbsp; Geeez, I feel like I'm whining.&nbsp; I'm not a whiner.&nbsp; I'm a pretty stable person, but this has thrown me off completely.&nbsp; Wondering if I did the right thing in the right way.&nbsp;&nbsp; <br /><br />We've all done it.&nbsp; We've all said things to hurt someone's feelings at one time.&nbsp; But....I can honestly say that I DO NOT purposefully say something to someone for the sole purpose of hurting them.&nbsp; I am so far from perfect, but I know this to be true.&nbsp; If anything....I should probably stick up for myself more and voice my opinions more.&nbsp; I've always been afraid of hurting people's feelings and don't understand people that do it intentionally. <br /><br />I suppose the only thing that can come of this is a learning experience.&nbsp; Hopefully I'll learn how to handle situations like this better and hopefully someone else will learn from it too.